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*-x-*Making Time*-x-*
A
man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.
"Daddy,
may I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man.
"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"
"That's
none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know. Please tell me, how
much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.
"If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."
"Oh," the little boy replied,
head bowed. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $9.00 please?"
The father was furious.
"If
the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense,
then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours
every day and don't have time for such childish games."
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The
man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get
some money?
After
an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something
he really needed to buy with that $9.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.
The man went to the door of the
little boy's room and opened it.
"Are you asleep, son?" he asked.
"No, daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've
been thinking. Maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on
you. Here's that $9.00 you asked for."
The little boy sat up straight, beaming.
"Oh,
thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow,
he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The
little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.
"Why did you want more money if you already head some?" the father grumbled.
"Because,
I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?
You Know You're High If..
1) You walk in the house but fail to see the glass door
your body slams into it, you fall down, get back up, and repeat.
2) You repeatedly feel extremely tired and dead, but all of a sudden you get an andreanline
rush, and decide to "river dance" around the room, you suggest everyone joins you
3) You start to hallucinate: Harry Potter is NOT in your family room... WE SWEAR! Nor is he your cousin... that cell
phone in your pocket is not a gift wand from him either.. and no, sorry, he didnt turn on that fire place (by the way... its
not on)
4) M&Ms
do NOT belong in the toaster. It has no resemblance to the bag or the counter, dumping them down the toaster cracks is not
the solution to putting them away
5) You're not as hungry
as you think. Three bags of chips, a whole pint of ice cream, and that super size skittle is enough!! You really
don't need another pizza, liter of Mountain Dew, or chicken wings... you'll thank us when you awaken to your new obesity.
6) Light bulbs hurt eyeballs... it's not our fault you
need to illuminate the whole house to realize just where you are and exactly who is sitting beside you.
7) Doritos breath is NOT sexy! Sorry, constantly tapping people on the knee and then breathing Cooler Ranch fumes into
their face is not the way to arouse them. They do not like it nor find the humor in it, whether u do or not.
8) Your "Papa" did not send you to find a "little porky pig" it did not leave you "waiting in the woods for 13 days
and 7 nights" (thats not possible by the way) and "papa" did not threaten to chop of your "little baby toe"
9) Telling people that Osama Bin Laden should eat them is not a good conflict
resolution
10) You're not an
olympic gymnast do not attempt to be one. You will regret the pain in the morning, whether you feel it now or not.
What not to
say to a naked guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Awww, it's cute!
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance!!!
6. Can I put a smiley faces on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
9. Oh no... a flash headache....
10. (giggle and point)
11. Can I be honest with you?
12. How sweet, you brought incense.
13. This explains the car...
14. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
15. Why is God punishing me?
16. At least this won't take long....
17. I never saw one like that before....
18. But it still works... right?
19. It looks so unused...
20. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
21. Why don't we skip right to the cigaretts?
22. Are you cold?
23. If you get me really drunk first.....
24. Is that an optical illusion?
25. What is that???
26. It's a good thing you have so many other talents....
27. Does it have an air pump?
28. So....this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
29. I guess this makes me the early bird...
THE GUY'S RULES
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally,
the guys' side of the story. (I must admit. It's pretty good.)
We always hear
"The Rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please
note, ....all these are numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports... It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us
be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Just
say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only
if you want help solving it. That what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that
last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
act us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something
we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can
either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible. please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher
Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If
it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act
like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question
you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine....really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such
topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many
shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading
this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like
camping.
As I've Matured...
I've learned
that:
you cant
make someone love you. All you can do is stalk
them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned
that:
one good
turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that:
no matter
how much I care, some people are just jack asses.
I've learned that:
whatever
hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that:
you shouldn't
compare yourself to others - they are more
screwed up than you think.
I've learned that:
depression
is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that:
it is not
what you wear, it is how you take it off! ;)
I've learned that:
you can keep
vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned:
to not sweat
the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that:
ex's are
like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned that:
age is a
very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that:
I don't suffer
from insanity, I enjoy it!
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